Once again, the anniversary of that horrible day in 2002 has arrived, the night I found my best friend and husband’s body cold and lifeless in our home office. Seven years have now passed and the shock is gone, but the memory continues to be surreal. The sequence of events plays out in my mind like a lame Lifetime movie drama. The Shakespearean instinct to end my life along with my Romeo, the chilling cry of a mother learning of her son’s death over the phone in the middle of the night, the strangers who were his coworkers sitting in my living room making calls to prepare the church for the shock of this loss that very morning… So many hurtful things were said and done, so many healing things were said and done. I am who I am now because of both.
Each year I am uncertain how to commemorate this significant day. Oddly enough, Facebook is giving me a very therapeutic outlet. It’s such an impersonal venue for sharing deeply felt emotions and thoughts, yet I realize so many of you knew and loved Jeff (and me) and now there is a unique opportunity for us to share together again in this experience of remembering. I wondered if anyone might like to share with myself and others a trait they enjoyed in Jeff or a memory of your time together.
It is my joy (and would have absolutely been Jeff’s) to see so many of you in love with God still. It is my joy to call you friends, to see your smiling faces here and watch your families grow and/or your life blossom in amazing ways.
My memories: He was/is truly a humble man, but he was also larger than life. His great smile that loomed over most of us was contagious and his genuine love for people was contagious. Laughing…all the time! I can’t even remember at what, but it was always funny. A couple in Christian Fellowship Church’s new member class remarked that we were always whispering and laughing and they could just “tell” we were still on our honeymoon! We were very much in love. While dating he once serenaded me, during a talent show, with a “Wink and a smile” by Harry Connick Jr. (and he’s not a singer)! We danced at dozens of weddings…I guess you can call it dancing...it was hysterical and lively, whatever it was. I loved doing ministry with Jeff. He was a brilliant minister and gifted Bible scholar. He was so good at stretching and encouraging people and very wise in his ministry strategies. One of the most admirable and humbling qualities he possessed was being a man of daily prayer. He was intentional and diligent in prayer. Although we got married at 25 & 27, I feel like we did a lot of growing up together. He took his first job and I moved away from home with a new husband and no friends besides him. He was my best friend and stretched me in the right way and loved/accepted me like no one else could have. Many years have gone by. Many tears have been shed, but my deep love and respect for Jeff remains.
"The righteous perish,
and no one ponders it in his heart;
devout men are taken away,
and no one understands
that the righteous are taken away
to be spared from evil.
Those who walk uprightly
enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.
Isaiah 57:1-2
I don’t like that I was widowed at 29. I don’t like that many of us who loved Jeff will not see his smile or feel his embrace this side of heaven, but I accept this and embrace the gifts God has blessed me with in the new chapters of my life.
*I feel it is important also to also honor my current husband and partner in crime, Ryan. He has been as understanding as any man could be. He wisely refuses to compare himself to Jeff knowing that my love for each of them is unique and real. I tell those who ask that it’s like a parent’s love for their children. A parent can love two children deeply and differently. The second child does not get “leftover” love, but a continued overflow of the love a parent has for their kiddos. In a similar way, Ryan is the apple of my eye and the keeper of my heart. God knew what He was doing when he brought us together, and I love him completely and deeply. I love him especially for accepting my broken heart and giving me reasons to laugh again every day. And finally, how can I not love him uniquely after he gave me the precious gift of our daughter.
I’d love to hear from you if you want to share.
Each year I am uncertain how to commemorate this significant day. Oddly enough, Facebook is giving me a very therapeutic outlet. It’s such an impersonal venue for sharing deeply felt emotions and thoughts, yet I realize so many of you knew and loved Jeff (and me) and now there is a unique opportunity for us to share together again in this experience of remembering. I wondered if anyone might like to share with myself and others a trait they enjoyed in Jeff or a memory of your time together.
It is my joy (and would have absolutely been Jeff’s) to see so many of you in love with God still. It is my joy to call you friends, to see your smiling faces here and watch your families grow and/or your life blossom in amazing ways.
My memories: He was/is truly a humble man, but he was also larger than life. His great smile that loomed over most of us was contagious and his genuine love for people was contagious. Laughing…all the time! I can’t even remember at what, but it was always funny. A couple in Christian Fellowship Church’s new member class remarked that we were always whispering and laughing and they could just “tell” we were still on our honeymoon! We were very much in love. While dating he once serenaded me, during a talent show, with a “Wink and a smile” by Harry Connick Jr. (and he’s not a singer)! We danced at dozens of weddings…I guess you can call it dancing...it was hysterical and lively, whatever it was. I loved doing ministry with Jeff. He was a brilliant minister and gifted Bible scholar. He was so good at stretching and encouraging people and very wise in his ministry strategies. One of the most admirable and humbling qualities he possessed was being a man of daily prayer. He was intentional and diligent in prayer. Although we got married at 25 & 27, I feel like we did a lot of growing up together. He took his first job and I moved away from home with a new husband and no friends besides him. He was my best friend and stretched me in the right way and loved/accepted me like no one else could have. Many years have gone by. Many tears have been shed, but my deep love and respect for Jeff remains.
"The righteous perish,
and no one ponders it in his heart;
devout men are taken away,
and no one understands
that the righteous are taken away
to be spared from evil.
Those who walk uprightly
enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.
Isaiah 57:1-2
I don’t like that I was widowed at 29. I don’t like that many of us who loved Jeff will not see his smile or feel his embrace this side of heaven, but I accept this and embrace the gifts God has blessed me with in the new chapters of my life.
*I feel it is important also to also honor my current husband and partner in crime, Ryan. He has been as understanding as any man could be. He wisely refuses to compare himself to Jeff knowing that my love for each of them is unique and real. I tell those who ask that it’s like a parent’s love for their children. A parent can love two children deeply and differently. The second child does not get “leftover” love, but a continued overflow of the love a parent has for their kiddos. In a similar way, Ryan is the apple of my eye and the keeper of my heart. God knew what He was doing when he brought us together, and I love him completely and deeply. I love him especially for accepting my broken heart and giving me reasons to laugh again every day. And finally, how can I not love him uniquely after he gave me the precious gift of our daughter.
I’d love to hear from you if you want to share.
