Update

So I am convicted of not being very good at blogging lately. All is well with me and the family. Ryan & I managed to both get pink eye, yet avoid passing it to Kayla this spring. I finished my 2nd semester of my counseling program and am in the middle of 6 weeks of summer school now.
(Water park in Arlington Heights, IL)

(Kayla & her cousin @ Nana & DadDad's new place: Sleepy Hollow, IL)

I had an 8 day visit with my family in their new home in Sleepy Hollow in May and in early June, Ryan, Kayla & I spent a week on the beach in Indian Rocks Beach, FL. I'm getting in the groove of summer and enjoy Tuesday mornings at the pool with other moms/kiddos, every other Wed. in a mom's Bible study and every other Friday with moms discussing practical ways to be better 'homemakers' (for lack of a better word).

I am learning the importance of rest/balance between working hard and allowing myself to recover. I lean towards the self-protective bent of not pushing myself "too hard"! booo I guess there are areas I do better at pushing than others (motherhood & school) and areas where I know I need to grow (daily time with God, eating, exercise).

Kayla is lots of fun as a toddler. She has lots of words and is very playful. She loves to "spin around" in circles if you clap for her, to hide and jump out yelling "boo", and to make Ryan and I kiss and hug for her amusement. We play a lot in the ball pit, with her Little People farm animals and books. Lately she's loving the Dr. Suess "ABC Book", a Toddler Bible and Karen Katz anything. It's always fun finding cute little outfits and accessories for her. I'm happy to get her in pig tails recently and the high pony tail is just within reach. :D

I need to go read for my career counseling class and get ready for the 60 minute road trip. Maybe my mom will keep me company on the phone...if not, there is always my Dave Ramsey podcast!

Remembering (my Facebook post pasted here)

Once again, the anniversary of that horrible day in 2002 has arrived, the night I found my best friend and husband’s body cold and lifeless in our home office. Seven years have now passed and the shock is gone, but the memory continues to be surreal. The sequence of events plays out in my mind like a lame Lifetime movie drama. The Shakespearean instinct to end my life along with my Romeo, the chilling cry of a mother learning of her son’s death over the phone in the middle of the night, the strangers who were his coworkers sitting in my living room making calls to prepare the church for the shock of this loss that very morning… So many hurtful things were said and done, so many healing things were said and done. I am who I am now because of both.

Each year I am uncertain how to commemorate this significant day. Oddly enough, Facebook is giving me a very therapeutic outlet. It’s such an impersonal venue for sharing deeply felt emotions and thoughts, yet I realize so many of you knew and loved Jeff (and me) and now there is a unique opportunity for us to share together again in this experience of remembering. I wondered if anyone might like to share with myself and others a trait they enjoyed in Jeff or a memory of your time together.

It is my joy (and would have absolutely been Jeff’s) to see so many of you in love with God still. It is my joy to call you friends, to see your smiling faces here and watch your families grow and/or your life blossom in amazing ways.

My memories: He was/is truly a humble man, but he was also larger than life. His great smile that loomed over most of us was contagious and his genuine love for people was contagious. Laughing…all the time! I can’t even remember at what, but it was always funny. A couple in Christian Fellowship Church’s new member class remarked that we were always whispering and laughing and they could just “tell” we were still on our honeymoon! We were very much in love. While dating he once serenaded me, during a talent show, with a “Wink and a smile” by Harry Connick Jr. (and he’s not a singer)! We danced at dozens of weddings…I guess you can call it dancing...it was hysterical and lively, whatever it was. I loved doing ministry with Jeff. He was a brilliant minister and gifted Bible scholar. He was so good at stretching and encouraging people and very wise in his ministry strategies. One of the most admirable and humbling qualities he possessed was being a man of daily prayer. He was intentional and diligent in prayer. Although we got married at 25 & 27, I feel like we did a lot of growing up together. He took his first job and I moved away from home with a new husband and no friends besides him. He was my best friend and stretched me in the right way and loved/accepted me like no one else could have. Many years have gone by. Many tears have been shed, but my deep love and respect for Jeff remains.

"The righteous perish,
and no one ponders it in his heart;
devout men are taken away,
and no one understands
that the righteous are taken away
to be spared from evil.
Those who walk uprightly
enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.
Isaiah 57:1-2

I don’t like that I was widowed at 29. I don’t like that many of us who loved Jeff will not see his smile or feel his embrace this side of heaven, but I accept this and embrace the gifts God has blessed me with in the new chapters of my life.

*I feel it is important also to also honor my current husband and partner in crime, Ryan. He has been as understanding as any man could be. He wisely refuses to compare himself to Jeff knowing that my love for each of them is unique and real. I tell those who ask that it’s like a parent’s love for their children. A parent can love two children deeply and differently. The second child does not get “leftover” love, but a continued overflow of the love a parent has for their kiddos. In a similar way, Ryan is the apple of my eye and the keeper of my heart. God knew what He was doing when he brought us together, and I love him completely and deeply. I love him especially for accepting my broken heart and giving me reasons to laugh again every day. And finally, how can I not love him uniquely after he gave me the precious gift of our daughter.

I’d love to hear from you if you want to share.

Kayla's 1 year pictures (and us too)

Thought you all might enjoy some new pics!

Merry Christmas

Update

It's been a long time since I've updated my blog. In fact, since I use Facebook for so many things, I really neglect my blog all together. Pictures and updates are posted there, so I apologize for not keeping up this site.

I am a week away from completing my first semester at Eastern Illinois in the master of clinical counseling program. I really enjoyed my three classes: theories, professional orientation and pre-practicum (like a counseling lab experience). I am looking forward to some time away from school so I can enjoy the holidays and focus on my family.

MY FAMILY: Ryan is doing so well in his position as an inspection engineer at Marathon. I couldn't be more proud of him. Almost daily we comment about what a difference and blessing this job is compared to the drama and frustration of his last position.

Kayla turns one in 8 days! We have a cupcake themed party planned for family. The next day she will be dedicated at our church in Robinson. It seems like there are so many changes each day now. She is picking up words, funny mannerisms, interacting intentionally with us and starting to walk! Last night, while I was at class, Ryan and his brother saw Kayla take her first four steps.

Here is a little (lame) video of her using the walker to cruise around and her favorite word "woof". She also likes to say "cat". Occassionally she'll say "mom", but is more likely to say "Ash" (cousin Ashlyn) or "ice". And the sideways video is Kayla playing with her toy...I'm not sure how to turn it! :0

First Family Vacation

We spent a wonderful week in Indian Rocks Beach, FL (near Tampa) mid-August. We rented a 2 bedroom penthouse condo on the ocean and since Kayla is still so little, we didn't make plans to do more than sleep, eat and swim.

It was really fun to expose her to the waves, pelicans and sand. She wasn't crawling just yet, so mostly she sat on a beach towel and tried to eat the sand. It was more fun for her when we went to the pool and let her float in her "baby float". On her first try she was a little retisent, but the next day she was excited to kick her chubby little legs in the water and play with mommy & daddy.

We ate in half the time-which is fun for Ryan since he loves to cook and for the other meals we ventured out and had fun trying new restaraunts. Ryan especially loved the seafood and the other diners seemed to have fun watching Kayla and telling us how cute she is! :)

Crawling Kayla

She's been scooting for a few days, but we're gonna say official crawling began on Saturday Aug 24.